Candy Empire

2008-05-11T22:07:00.001+08:00

http://allacoustic.livejournal.com

2008-05-11T00:40:00.003+08:00

While i've been trying to figure out what love was, it finally revealed itself to me.

Zenn was admitted to NUH yesterday. The doctors confirmed that it was appendicitis and we waited 7 hours for the operating theatre to be ready.

You don't know how difficult it is to tell an eleven year old that he was to undergo surgery. Without any familiar faces around him in a big cold room before the anaesthesia takes control.

The numerous jabs scared him and he kept asking if there were more to come. He kept asking what would happen if he were to get up during the surgery. He just kept asking. I whispered a prayer with him and then, i saw little tear drops sliding down his cheeks. And that's when i was like shit, and inside, i begged to switch places with him.

2008-05-08T17:51:00.006+08:00

A funeral for my once loved youth.

I left school early because i was lying there like a dead fish. I received a message this morning from "mum" saying "have you eaten the croissant?" And because i wasn't using that line at that time i didn't see the msg until much later.

I went down and i looked into the fridge but there was nothing there so i was like, mum, where are all the croissants man. And she went, what croissants? And i said, the ones you msged me about just now! She insisted she didn't so i showed her the msg and we both frowned at it for awhile.

Then she asked, whose phone it was and i was like it's kenny's spare. And so my more intelligent mum said, could it be his mum? And shit i checked the message details and realised that it really from his mum. I called him right after and asked where the breakfast he was supposed to pass to me was and he had already eaten it (!!)

I think kenny would kill me if i start questioning my purpose of existence all over again. If i could just stop thinking for a minute.

At this very moment, my life is up for rent, any takers?

Each smile does not fully blossom. Each laugh is broken down and hesitation is injected in. You're dying to finally laugh with those eyes closed. They are swollen from fatigue. Drowning in such self-pity again, can't you come up with something new? Shoot me again. So i'll be able to stop hanging for my life. Shoot me brutally and hard, so that these endless small bolts are replaced with one final huge blow. I can just imagine that last breath. I'm fantasizing about it. It'll be slow. It'll be gentle. It'll be mine forever.

2008-05-08T11:41:00.003+08:00

Nick Thomas is a lyrical genius, produces kick ass music and has the most fucking amazing voice ever. My all time favourite xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The spill canvas owns, PERIOD.

Fade in, start the scene.
Enter beautiful girl.
But things are not what they seem,
As we stand at the edge of the world.

"Excuse me sir, but I had plans to die tonight.
Oh, and you are directly in my way.
And I bet you’re gonna say it’s not right."
My reply,
"Excuse me miss,
But do you have the slightest clue,
Of exactly what you just said to me,
And exactly who you’re talking to?"

She said, "I don’t care you don’t even know me."
I said, "I know but I’d like to change that soon hopefully.
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion,
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion.
See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets."

"You make it sound so easy to be alive.
Tell me how am I supposed to seize this day,
When everything inside of me has died?"
My reply,
"Trust me girl.
I know your legs are pleading to leap,
But I offer you this easy choice.
Instead of dying living with me."

She said, "Are you crazy? You don’t even know me."
I said, "I know but I’d like to change that soon hopefully.
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion,
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion.
See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets.

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough,
And all this cliché motivation it could never be enough.
I could stand here all night trying to convince you,
But what good would that do?
My offer stands and you must choose."

"Alright you win but I only give you one night,
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight.
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap.
I will toss myself from these very cliffs,
And you'll never see it coming."

"Settle precious, I know what you're going through.
Because ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too.

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion,
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion.
See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets."

2008-05-06T21:42:00.003+08:00

After what it seemed like endless days, my shower heater finally got repaired, thank goodness for that. I no longer have to play psychological games with myself, which is trying to make the icy cold water a lot more comfortable than it really is.

Bio spa (skill A) was really no joke. I love my rusty brain for soaking in about 7 pages of pure regurgitative nonsense. It was really a mad race once they said you may begin. So pressed for time, i was afraid to stop writing, so i just went on and on. My handwriting was grass-like, good luck markers.

I'm falling sick. I choose the worst times to fall sick. There's something funny about my fringe. Maybe it's the way it's able to stand at an angle of 45 degrees when i get out of bed in the morning. Actually, i think my hair must hate me because i treat it like crap. All that perming and constant colouring. Nevertheless, i still think i have too much hair on my head.

I have to serve detention twice this week. I should just camp out at school.

I feel like having a massive sleepover with an infinite amount of chocolate and a thousand good movies to make us laugh and cry the whole night through. Too bad the big bad A levels just robbed us of that grand idea.

2008-05-04T18:19:00.005+08:00

How vs Why

I heard left brainers tend to ask how while right brainers always go, why.

"!! i love shann!! even though she orders century eggs with ginger for lunch at hongkong cafe and eats olives when she's bored hahaha."

Haha, i love you too jan. (No matter how weird i am) :)

Some of the shots i sent in for sypa:

Today is a happy day, kenny got the Taking Back Sunday one (newly self-proclaimed fan you see haha) And, we got the same sizes so we can interchange :D

Today, i am going to say that i hate technology. Because we have grown to be so dependent on it that we become useless idiots without it. I can't believe i can't live without my phone. First, my Samsung phone started to have random blackouts and my Motorola was so laggy so kenny lent me his phone (because i liked it teehee). This morning none of the keypads could work and my other phones were messed up, i just wanted to kill something. So.. to the person who msged me at about 9:30 this morning, i'm sorry i'll never know who you are because i couldn't freaking open your msg. Maybe it's time for a new phone.

I think i'll be an eternal object of humour if someone takes a video of me now. I'm singing to "Unbreak my heart" by Witney Houston, i'm gobbling chocolate tea cakes down like a cow and my hair is in a bun which looks like it just got raped.

When the sun shines we'll shine together, told you I'll be here forever.

2008-05-03T15:01:00.004+08:00

You are who you are because of certain events which happened in life. I mean would you write the same way again if told you exactly what your handwriting said about you, would you be able to drop that consciousness?

My mum was so successful at establishing the habit of not lying down sideways when you watch tv in me (because it's bad for your eyes) that i can't even watch something in the most lazy manner because it feels unnatural and wrong.

I finally watched V for Vendetta yesterday and it was awesome.

"Every time i hear a siren, i worry about you."

"The only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain."

So quite obviously, school has been quite the bore for me.

Well well, happy labour day. Check our our nice little booby aprons. My boobs just drooped all the way to my hips while kenny's ones were all crushed and crumpled, yes courtesy of him.

Pizza for dinner!!

There you go :D

Teehee then we took happy for a walk at night.

My favourite alley.

If i gave you the chance to erase everything you know now and to wake up not remembering a thing, or who you are, would you take it? And all those sweet memories you had, it won't be painful letting go of them, because you won't even remember having them. I think the hardest part would be to say, i'm ready, with tears slowly blurring your vision.

2008-05-03T00:31:00.002+08:00

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfection disappears. When i was a child, i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i reasoned like a child. When i became a man, i put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I love you.

2008-04-29T19:14:00.005+08:00

And i'll bleed this skyline dry, your history is mine.

Bel just cracked me up. "next sunday, 4th of may (gosh its already may 3months to prelims!! start worrying and come for this study session i assure you it will be productive) at either serene centre or coffee bean at sixth avenue at 12pm?please respond to this post thank you!!<3,>academic head, isabel kohokay fine i know i'm so not funny but just turn up please"

I bet all my teachers in school hate me and they're screaming in their heads, die shann, die. And they're probably laughing too because their pay cheques will absolutely be unaffected by my results. I wonder if teachers have constant urges to swear in class (which is technically wrong). I mean i guess so, since majority of them are so pmsy all the time. I wonder how they keep it in. And you know, if teaching was really so difficult, why don't you just freaking quit. You have the freedom of career choice while i, very unfortunately cannot choose who i want to be taught under. Talking about teaching, i guess it's quite a steady safe job, i mean i think it's pretty hard to get sacked. You do a shitty job and you Still get paid while you're able to enjoy using that tiny bit of authority you have in school and lash out at students every other day.

Now i should fear for myself. Because everyday, i see less and less importance in studying. That's bad. Really bad.

I wonder why finger nails and hair everywhere else but the hair from your head grow so fast.

I think my sense of humour is getting really weird/off these days. It's getting really hard for me to laugh and when everyone is laughing, i just don't seem to think that things were that funny. And after that, i'll find myself laughing at the most random and amazingly unfunny things to myself. Sheesh why, am, i, so, weird.

I sent a set of 6 photographs in for the singapore young photographer award. It started off as a slogging-off-to-have-something-to-write-for-my-testimonial thing but at the end of it, i can really say that a fair bit of effort had to be put in. A little of your heart, blood and sweat.

I randomly visited blogs (the whole world is taking part in it) and after that, i didn't exactly want to submit my photos anymore (although my initial plan was to just give it a whack hahaha). People (kick ass professionals) (who made me drool) have planned and prepared for months with near perfect ideas, and as for me, i just sent in whatever i had, simply because those.were.whatever.i.had :(

I better get some sleep, i've been looking insanely shagged. I'm just drained and the insomnia is hitting me hard.

Wrong or right

Black or white

If i close my eyes,

It's all the same.

2008-04-27T20:21:00.002+08:00

I shall blog about my very unfriendly weekend.

Other than me losing my best friend who was on crutches in a flea market yesterday, which was actually more amusing than worrying, (yes i know, lousy friend i am) this weekend has been fucking fucked up.

Actually, i've been wanted to cut down on my Fs because lately, my lack of feminity has been getting to me. Also, it makes me wonder if i very sadly fall short of so much vocabulary that i have to resort to Fs all the time. Oh well.

(Omg i know this is random but someone just signed onto msn and her nickname was "no one dies a virgin, life screws us all") I actually laughed.

Back to my lousy weekend. Actually it has been much worse than i am making it sound. It feels as though someone is digging and clawing at this void which is living in me. I hate crying because it is useless and it reveals how weak i am. Worst of all, it shows those who hurt you that they really sliced you apart at the very right sweet spot.

So for the last time, i shall say this again,

WILL THE PEOPLE I LOVE MOST STOP FUCKING HURTING ME ALREADY.
FUCK, IT'D BE FUCKING GREAT IF YOU COULD.

2008-04-27T20:00:00.003+08:00

Sunday best and broken glass

It was a lie when they smiled and said you won't feel a thing

2008-04-26T13:12:00.005+08:00

I'll try for one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand,
Maybe we can be happy again

The view from the Swiss hotel at approximately 6 in the morning. It was our prom night and it was not like we got up early, i think we just didn't sleep. And can you believe it, it was almost a year and a half ago. It's rather amazing that i have like tons of different shots of the same old trusty sun.

Anyway, why should anyone judge me if i'm okay with being fat. The deviation from the acceptable norm should be applauded actually. Okay maybe that's just an excuse for my inability to stop myself from pouncing on food.

I swore to use more colours while highlighting my notes but i have failed terribly. I think i might buy some fabric and make my own pencil case soon. I've always thought that the things i use most should be personalised.

Hi jan, could you please make an account for me so that i can read your locked lj because i'm too fucking lazy to do so. Preferably rabbitscantsing.
And i know our 5 years of friendship will forgive whatever i just said.
Yay.

OMG MY THIGHS ARE SO NUMB THAT I CAN'T BLOODY FEEL ANYTHING WHEN I SCRATCH THEM, FUCK FUCK FUCK

2008-04-24T22:20:00.007+08:00

You came and saved me tonight

Defending all my life

Now i'm contented with my breath

It feels as though the protective veil over you has been lifted and you're susceptible to anything and everything. So much shit has happened that i truly believe that the worst possible things can and would happen now. I feel like i'm decomposing, slowly rotting away, started off with something great with everything gradually eroding away, turning into tiny non-existent bits. Useless bits.

Finally got some pictures done, here they are:

My new found spanking clean toilet:

I hate school.

2008-04-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

fuck.

2008-04-13T18:10:00.000+08:00

I love doing nothing with you.

2008-04-13T13:58:00.002+08:00

And you're dying to look cute in your blue jeans
But you're plastic just like everyone

Sometimes i think that no one deserves to be loved because we are all selfish. Love, the most selfless thing, very sadly, is selfish. It's selfish because you don't want the one you love to love another. You're undeserving, yet you still want to be loved. You're selfish.

It's like the butterfly effect. You can't make things perfect. Everything you do or try to fix entails another screw up somewhere else. Everyone can't be happy.

So everyone is selfish and we can't all be happy. That is so stupid

Will you grow up to be all the things you hate?

We always hurt the ones we love.
The ones you swore never to hurt.

2008-04-13T02:47:00.004+08:00

An entry without any words

2008-04-12T01:09:00.003+08:00

This is Jan. I infer that she likes my chair a lot.

Finally removed them. I thought my eyes were going to turn into dried prunes. The problem with lenses is that they really suck the moisture out of your sockets.

I have a love-hate relationship with my bangs. I know i won't keep it again, and i kinda like it now but i do miss my old hair. Then, on some mornings, i just want to pull off/out those short puny strands. I think i like my bangs most on wednesdays and fridays, really. And on mondays and thursdays i really just want my fringe back. (It takes me 3 useful pins and a useless hairband to put my bangs up)

I watched Juno today, at last. I think she's the funniest human being on earth.

Oh yes, playing sunday drive (by the early november) in the car on your way home is like awwwesome. You just hold your breath when the sound diffuses out of the speakers.

Maybe i'll do something meaningful tomorrow (other than getting dragged to the dentist in the morning by my mum), something like making raspberry sorbet.

The truth is you could slit my throat,
And with my one last gasping breath,
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

*If all else fails, i'll kidnap TBS.

2008-04-11T00:25:00.001+08:00

Orgasmic. It'd be a dream come true to watch them play live.

Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this. (To hell with you and all your friends, it's on.)
I'm coming over but it never was enough;
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.

2008-04-10T20:46:00.002+08:00

Psychic spies from China
Try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden
Dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams
It's Californication

I tried. But i guess i don't have the patience to do such things anymore. And since i don't really feel like blogging anymore, spending time on it would be more than a waste of time. LJ just has a lot of things splashed all over the place, and being the lazy person i am, i really don't want to bother about it anymore. What amused me was this:

They actually have a why do you want to delete your life journal account page, hahaha.
Check out my parents won't let me use live journal anymore, hahahaaaaaa

I didn't go to school today. I wrote a letter to my mum and stuck it to my door. I cited why, really (my list of valid reasons), i shouldn't go to school today.

My dearest mum: "Even my chili plants grow faster"

(She was commenting on my lack of height), without much tact very obviously.

2008-04-09T17:14:00.002+08:00

"How would you keep your hair if you were a girl?"

Kenny: long. But no bangs.

HAHAHA thanks a lot.

2008-04-08T20:43:00.004+08:00

How many special people change?

I'm letting the OC soundtrack run. There's something wrong with my laptop speakers, i switch on the sound and it goes SHHHHHFBFBYQRDGCD432HF.

So jan and i sat the hong kong cafe and let the words flow out of our mouths like endless streams. We talked about everything under the sun and moon while i enjoyed my century eggs (weird i know), dim sum, thick toast and iced tea. It is moments like these you know you're not alone. A fine moment when you think you're so blessed, because a good friend is found only after meeting hundreds and hundreds of people. So blessed that, you could actually use the word trust in this world.

My stomach's much better now but i still do get random sudden gastric attacks periodically. Sunday was great. I had the chance to indulge in my most favourite food in the world. I would really go back to Italy just to savour everything again. And i really love champagne jelly, it's like the best. I shall find out how to make it. But on the way to the restaurant, i had a sudden funny thought, i really started hoping that the waitresses did not wear white blouses and black pants/jeans because if you ask me, i really looked like a waitress. I don't even know why i felt like dressing that way that night hahaha. They wore peach blouses and black pants, anyway.

I realised that i sit every straight when i eat.

And kenny thought i did it for mere fun.

What a joke.

So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with,
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.

2008-04-07T22:43:00.002+08:00

"You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you"

2008-04-05T23:56:00.004+08:00

Romeo is bleeding.

I took this when i was in Venice. Although i think the bride was shivering her ass off because i was wearing like a big fluffy red jacket (and i still felt cold), i think there's something beautiful about this shot.

The bitch is back. Insomnia has been tugging at me recently again. It has made afternoon naps feel unnatural.

My fringe is so short i think i can spike it up, :D
I really have to say that i'm still feeling proud of my rather tidy room now. And my stomach's still screwed up, i'm trying to soothe it with hot chamomile tea now. I get gastric quite often actually, and logically that's quite impossible, looking at the way i gorge myself all the time. I guess it's due to hyper acidity. Anyway, gastric has been making me wonder, don't anorexic girls suffer from severe gastric all the time?

My tutor has quite a funny OCD. And it's really obsessive. She can sit down for a few hours just to make sure that her nails are cut to sheer perfection. She brings her handy dandy nail clipper everywhere she goes and she even cuts her nails during lecture, or so she says. She describes her nails as being ultra oval (which totally cracked me up) and they Are ultra oval actually. The curves are freaking, Freaking, even and smooth. They really put my fingernails to shame (although i don't exactly keep nails because of guitar). Worse still, my semi-painted lack of life maroon toenails.

Everything, is dust in the wind.

2008-04-05T00:43:00.005+08:00

Drop everything, start it all over
remember more than you'd like to forget

Happy wins the title of the cutest dog in the world hands down.

I am still sick. I have indigestion, and because of that, i can't eat. Because i can't eat, i have gastric, along with nausea. I honestly miss eating my ass off, although i complain about my weight gain a lot.

I finally caught Fight Club and Horton today, and i really enjoyed both. I haven't been going out much and i'm in a serious need of shopping just that i'm really too lazy too. Girlfriend, if you're reading this, YOU STILL HAVE TO GO TO GUCCI WITH ME, DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME BEFORE YOU FLY BACK. AND WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR FISH AND CO SESSION :(

I was taking a heavenly shower yesterday. My heavenly shower was interrupted by bursts of lightning and booming thunder. The lights were just going on off on off on off on off because of the blackouts and seriously, when you've got soap all over you, the only thing you can do is to stand there and curse. (It was honestly quite freaky too) It started to get quite heavy and the thunder almost felt like petty tantrums of the rain. I refused to move in the dark and i was really convinced that i'd get electrocuted if i let the water run. Lovely + comical experience, i'll give it 4.5 stars.

$3 (for food)
$1.40 (for a drink)
x 2 (break + lunch)
=$8.80
8.80 x 5 x 4=$176

Can you imagine, i spend about $176 bucks on shit food in school every month.

2008-04-03T19:19:00.004+08:00

It's quite strange that you have absolutely no control over the one definite thing which would happen to you only once in life, death. Well not if you plan to take your own life, which is also deemed as unforgivable and wrong. I still wonder how i'll die. I mean, you Will die, somehow, someday. and there are so many ways you could meet death. I wonder if i'll be shocked at the way i died when i'm at the splitting transition of life to death. Now i wonder if i'll even know how i died. I wonder who would be at my funeral. I wonder what everyone would be thinking then. I wonder how it'd feel like to lose me.

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman
out to dinner and a movie.
She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would
love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has
been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three
children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
"What's wrong, are you well," she asked?
My Mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or
a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you, "I
responded "just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and
then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit
nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed
to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on.
She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to
celebrate her last wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my
friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were
impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to
hear about our meeting." We went to a restaurant that, although not
elegant, was very nice and cozy. My Mother took my arm as if she were
the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read
large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw
Mother sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small, "she
said.

"Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I
responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing
extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life.
We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house
later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me
invite you."
I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice,
Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my Mother died of a massive heart attack. It
happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for
her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a
restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined. An
attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you
and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant
for me. I love you, son."

Sometimes we get so carried away with life that we need a simple story to pull us back, to help us remember what life really is. I think that being a parent would be one of the most challenging things in life. Its demands are crazy and i'm unsure of my ability to carry such responsibility. In fact, what makes a good parent? And how would i ever forgive myself if i fail to be one. I think it takes such courage sometimes.

Goodness i'm only eighteen, the A levels are pounding on me and i've already skipped everything, even marriage to think about raising kids. But i guess the older you get, the more you lose faith in certain things and at the same time, you believe in more things, such as, staying together for the kids.

The song i'm currently stuck on:

Think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in then I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took that you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't wanna lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm laying in is getting colder
Wish you never would have said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
'Cause we never really had our closure.
This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

I think, i'll go to bed at 9, since sleeping makes me very happy.

2008-03-31T22:18:00.005+08:00

My mum thinks i have gastric flu. Which should be awfully true. I have been walking around, bent, like an old lady since saturday. Might be the satay i ate at the fair. I know jan still can't believe i borrowed money, to buy satay. All because i didn't have change with me.

Anyway i didn't go to school today. (And i don't regret it in anyway) because i seriously think i don't learn anything in school. (And i was supposed to end at 4 today so teehee). Very strangely, i woke up at 8am this morning (i usually drag myself out after 2pm) and i even started packing my room. It looks so clean now. And whitish, and even bigger. What's left would be to put up my all time favourite pictures i've yet to print out. I think i'm just going to spend all my time in my room now, since it's going to be so pleasant to my eyes. So it was packing, and having rather delicious french toast coated with maple syrup along with nice hot tea. I spoil myself.

I was going through my holiday pictures the other day and i found these:

I Think i was in Rome, i think. And they were filming for ANTM! (America's next top model) Can you spot Jay Manuel? :D

2008-03-30T14:55:00.007+08:00

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon

I think, that my blog should just be turned into a food blog. For fellow people who can't resist food and actually like raw onions.

I am Queen Raspberry.

Do you see the uncanny resemblance i see between kenny and an ostrich? While ostriches stick their brains into the ground to hide, kenny thinks he's as small as a spoon :)

Haha shit i'm so mean. Sorry love.

My dearest tall cousin and my sister, and her erm favourite shirt. I swear i almost had tall genes too, i mean i have really tall relatives. So i guess, i just missed the genes by a wee bit.

I still think my mum is more than awesome to have a kid at such a late age.

I wanted to become a vegetarian when i was a little girl. Thank God it didn't work out.

"I took this because it looked cute." There you go, proof that my sister isn't very sane either. (She really didn't eat it in the end)

Courtesy of Kenny. All done right in front of Queen Raspberry's eyes. Look at the poor thing bleed.

Another one of my sister's i-must-take-and-waste little things.

The stirring thing cum sugar stick. Which, conveniently became my make shift lolly.

Not forgetting the fried ice cream. Dinner really spelt sinful. I really ate until i couldn't stand.

And did you hear the news?
I could dissect you and gut you on this stage.
Not as eloquent as I may have imagined,
But it will get the job done.
You're done.

Every line is plotted and designed,
To leave you standing on your bedroom window's ledge.
And everyone else that it hits,
That it gets to,
Is nothing more than collateral damage.

Sheesh it's already April. 2 more months to midyears. That's like, 8 more mondays to go. I'm going to put pressure on myself now. And that means that i won't forgive myself if i allow myself to waste time away and screw the papers. It's time to wake up, it's time to work hard. It's also time to kick ass, for once.

2008-03-26T22:54:00.002+08:00

A thousand times a day I tell you I love the way you sing,
Even though it makes me cry, it’s my favorite time to be alive,
And all I know is I feel lost without you.
“I miss you,” is not enough.

I know the story’s old; it’s been told a million times before,
But to tell it feels so good.
It reminds me that not all I do is right,
And all I know is I feel so lost without you.

Now I remember the day I was a kid in 8th grade.
Your friend tapped me on my shoulder and asked if I would be your boyfriend.
Oh, yeah, we were intense then.
We would walk and hold hands.
You were taller than me then I got a friend to tell you that,
I didn’t wanna be anymore.
Oh, no, not anymore.

So then for 3 more years we would never talk,
And I’m not gonna lie though, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.
Then your best friends came over and I got them to call you,
To see if you wanted to watch the band play “Dude Ranch.”
I knew that that would impress you,
So then we got to talking and before we knew it we were always on the phone,
Talking until 4 in the morning.
Yeah, there was only one problem.
Now, I never knew your man, never talked to him,
And still until this day I feel bad for it, but I knew that I loved you,
And I knew that I had to do something.

So I waited till the day you broke up with him.
We had a barbecue at our friend Jim’s,
Then we strolled to the backyard and that’s where we shared our first kiss.
Then you watched the band play with all your friends,
And we played our set of Millencolin and Chocking Victim.
I guess that didn’t impress you,
‘Cause than an hour later between you and your friends,
You told me that you didn’t want to be anymore.
Oh, no, not anymore.

But then a while later we got back together,
And we told each other we would be forever.
And since that day we had our share of problems,
And now we know that it’s hard but better together.
Oh, yeah, it’s better together.

So now we have a house and a couple pets.
We’re even getting married 9 years after it.
And every time I see you,
I still hear trumpets.

Dear blog, I know that i'm always late. I can't get up in the morning because 6 plus is just unearthly for me. But i'm pretty amused at how my mum was desperate enough to adjust my toilet clock to a good ten minutes faster, haha.

Tomorrow is the worst day of my time table. I have like 1 lecture, 5 tutorials and my break is at freaking 12. Freaking noon, that's like lunch time already.

I wish cj's uniform was like black or something. Pale blue just stinks.

2008-03-23T21:30:00.007+08:00

Cause I can't live if you're not happy

I can't live if you cry

But I can live without you if it makes you smile

We all have funny sides. Not funny haha but funny strange. My sister is a little auntie trapped in a stick-like body (lucky her) along with a baby face. I was happily eating my subway (amen) while she was having tuition and she was making so much noise at the same time. Apparently she asked neth (my maid) to order her drink without ice which she forgot about, the logic goes like this, no ice=more liquid inside= more worth it=adding your own ice at home.

Talking about stick-like bodies, it's so not fair that some people don't ever get fat from eating so much. I'm still quite upset about my weight gain. I hate carrying so much fats around whereeeeever i go. Gone were the days when i was skinny. Okay actually you know what, i don't think i have ever been skinny. The only time glorious time would be when i entered primary one. I was only grossly 17 kg then, (hahaha shit that's scary). I was so fat when i was a baby people asked my mother if i had a neck/eyes. But seriously, if you were thinking straight, why the hell would you ask a mother whether her darling baby had eyes. Idiots.

I wonder when motherly instincts start kicking in. I think i mother my brother a lot. But i think it's happening, all around. I've been carrying an umbrella everytime i go out (i never ever did so in the past) and apparently my dearest friends do so too (especially isabel koh). Soon we'll start talking about which umbrellas are the lightest or the cheapest. And right after we'll promote ourselves and proceed on to talking about the latest discounts at fair price or even coldstorage.

Kenny and i have stopped eating for fun, for really good reasons.

Carls Jr should die for doing such a good job at advertising.

Really.

Hahahaha this was candid by the way. And it looks like a facial wash advertisement, hahaha

Had brazilian food with my parents like two hours later. This picture here, was just what i had for starters. I'm really taking down my mirrors.
OH you know something, i don't understand why the toilets at golden village vivo city ALWAYS SMELL LIKE PUKE. It's disgusting. It's either that people are constantly throwing up, or that i'm just really unlucky, or that their cleaning soap plainly smells like puke.

Talking about luck, kenny and i agreed that i'm lucky in an unlucky way. I mean it's unlucky to trip/walk into a hole but at the same time it's pretty damn lucky because out of the whole empty street, i managed to step into that tiny shit hole. And the best part is that it happens, alllll the time.

2008-03-22T03:02:00.003+08:00

For the fucking record,
1. I hate you.
2. You were mistake.
3. I didn't leave you for someone else because you drove me away on your own, fucker.

Now eat that and let's see you trying to act like the world worships you again. You shouldn't even be proud of anything. And the fact that your ridiculous pride is still there is just an amazing miracle.

You think this is mean? Trust me i've tried to be nice.

I hate you, goodnight.

2008-03-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

Dearest best friend,
I hope your foot surgery goes well tomorrow. Rest well, take the most care, and i really miss you a lot.
Love you always.

2008-03-18T18:03:00.002+08:00

"hahhaha ok lah im gonna sleep now gotta get up early tmrw. u have school so for goodness sake go get some sleep please and for the record, THREE KIDS ARE NOT ENOUGH U TELL THAT JASLYN PERSON. with that amount of good lookin genes, i'd go with a soccer team :)"

Hello everybody out there, cristal lee wants a soccer team. (HAHAHA)

I need a guitar buddy, i kind of miss playing guitar.

Time for a good shower, showers do wonders. (Although they make me feel sleepy after that)

I'm trying to figure out what my perfect day would consist of now.

"In my first memory, i am three years old and i am trying to kill my sister. Sometimes the recollection is so clear i can remember the itch of the pillow case under my hand, the sharp point of her nose pressing into my palm. She didn't stand a chance against me, of course, but it still didn't work. My father walked by, tucking in the house for the night, and saved her. He led me back to my own bed. "That," he told me, "never happened."

As we got older, i didn't seem to exist, except in relation to her. I would watch her sleep across the room from me, one long shadow linking our beds,and i would count the ways. Poison, sprinkled on her cereal. A wicked undertow off the beach. Lightning striking.

In the end, though, i did not kill my sister. She did it all on her own.

Or at least this is what i tell myself."

I think i'm going to love this book.

2008-03-16T19:40:00.006+08:00

Zenn's science kit was funny shit. Stuff really flew all over the place and hit the ceiling. My eyes were goldfish like the whole time.

From jaslyn's blog: "and finally, met up with zachary! after a really really long while. Of course kenny was there too.That ass has been so busy with shann, it seems like they are already married with three kids!so it was dinner at nydc and off to timbre in zach's car."

(HAHAHAHA, jaslyn is so funny. Three kids, ouch.) And yup, so it was timbre, where benches are wet and they treat water as if it's holy water. (It's so hard to just get a glass)

Hahahaha i love how pathetic my face can look. But apparently, (according to kenny), the poor-little-cute-girl-with-bangs-look doesn't exactly pull at your heartstrings, damn. I think this shot would look better with a good old red traditional japanese umbrella.

So, Monday is tie day, all over again.

2008-03-14T01:11:00.003+08:00

Days like that should last, and last, and last.

Taking such a shot at wisma made me feel like some tourist. I thought the rabbits were totally totally funny/cute/amusing, and kind of suitable for rabbitscantsing.blogspot.com. They were moving up down up down up down, okay you get it.

HAHAHAHA, THE AHBENG AHLIAN SHOT, HAHAHA. Damn my hair seriously. My mum thinks i look like a china girl aka cheena bitch, hahaha, i'm not planning to try to shoot that viewpoint down though.

When chocolate bits get into your teeth and the idiot you're out with is set to capture your unglamorous moments like 24/7. Take note of the blatant triumphant two fingers.

I've been sleeping so much (11 straight hours a day, bless the holidays.) but i still think i need sleep. I can't get the best undisturbed sleep because,
1. My best friend calls me in the morning and wants to meet me and when she hears my toad-like-morning-voice she goes, omg you're still sleeping?! And i look at the clock and i'm like sheesh it's ONLY NINE DARLING. (Why is my best friend such a morning bird?)

2. Then, we have the champion girlfriend from melbourne who makes use of the time difference to msg me, "it's almost fucking noon already okay, so you deserve to be woken up! hahaha so don't scold me for making your phone ring every min hahaha"

Always, look on the bright side of life. I love my maroon nails.

2008-03-11T13:03:00.003+08:00

"But i don't like feeling special."
"Get used to it"

(Above) The reason why i've put on __ fucking kg. I am such a fat bitch, i should either starve myself with cabbages or take down all the mirrors at home. Well maybe a faster way to lose those fats is to stop eating ice cream every damn night and actually play tennis. Okay, the day i start panting after climbing up the stairs when i go to my room will be the day i really really do something about it. For now, the following remains true; food=heaven

For your laughing pleasure:

The hairdresser was fierce, probably too cool for me. He took my thick bunch of fringe and snipped everything off before i could gasp. Kenny and i were both like, uh oh. HAHAHAHA, hair will grow ohkayyyyyy. Perming just seemed boring. Mimi had a point, she said if you perm your hair again you only can go oh shann, you permed your hair, erm again. Tee hee.

Apparently i look more bitchy. Like a loud noisy bitchy girl you just want to slap and stuff her mouth with toilet paper. Hahaha, but aside, i'm quite happy with it. Love the change and it doesn't fail to make me laugh. It shall be my happy pill in the morning, hahahaha okay it's not that bad. It's just different. Erm, really. Hahaha

1. My long fringe doesn't intrude into my eye space anymore (TJS can no longer threaten to cut off everything)
2. I can be cutesy and buy erm cutesy dresses and make everyone puke.
3. It's really rather cooling
4. I can comb my fringe down, it's fun.
5. Haha, shit i have feelers now!!
6. OMG I CAN'T WEAR AVIATORS ANYMORE. Unless i want to look like, a mushroom which/who is afraid of light.

Celeste: Omg don't cut bangs!
Celeste: Perming would be sexy and sweet, bangs would be just. cute. unless you want to look cute la hahaha
Me: Yes i know perming would be sexy and sweet :( but i feel like being an idiot hahaha

Which planet do i come from man.

This picture is just downright ugly, i think it's because my feelers weren't down, (HAHAHA). I shall hope for a nicer posed one soon.

2008-03-10T00:14:00.004+08:00

I honestly know that the perm would turn out nicer, but, it's bangs, just for the hell of it.

:D

(Tomorrow!!)

2008-03-06T17:43:00.014+08:00

Hello everyone, I'm going to do a poll now, because I'm ridiculously indecisive.

I'm really sick of my hair so, it's either:
1. I perm my hair again
2. Go back to bangs (haha)

Current standing:
The Perm
Jan
Zenn
Neth
Swenn
Cris
Valerie
Petrina
Reader
Qin
Bobby
Veron
Nicole
Celeste

Bangs
Kenny
Jan
Mel
Sister's piano teacher
Joey
Fong
Cephas
Michelle

2008-03-03T15:47:00.000+08:00

Will the people i love most stop hurting me already.

2008-02-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

"Love this girl so much i'm so glad she's happy now :) so sweet i'm even jealous of you you hear me!! please remember that we should have 1) tea at my place & 2) pokemon monopoly (haha) soon soon soon hahaha"

Awww

2008-02-24T23:01:00.004+08:00

I should really stop being so emo.

Monday is tie day.

Zenn: "Mummy can i get an eye patch?"

I should stop eating so many sweets.

I should feel guilty about the ( )kg i've put on.

I should really do filing.

I should return my mum her diamond necklace before i lose it, which i most certainly would.

Swenn: hi shann, let's have a sisters outing soon, let's go to the spa or something. Shann: awwww. Swenn: Erm, you pay. You have a credit card now.

I just realised that i've not completed my maths tutorials so i'll probably be outside class again tomorrow. Bloody hell.

I wonder why we have favourite colours. Or why certain colours are more appealing than some.

I wonder when i'll stop thinking that my hair is short.

I need a hair perm.

I'd like to stay in Pluto for a day.

Too bad it's not exactly considered a planet now.

I should really pack my room and develop pictures.

I should give my poor guitar more attention.

I should start gardening again

I should like, cook, soon.

I've always wanted to see the queen ant, maybe i'll go smashing ant nests soon.

I hate the monday blues. I can feel it already.

I miss people. I miss things.

I miss stnicks.

I think i'm going to lock myself home and sleep for an entire day.

I'd like to learn how to make prata like in this dumb lifetime of mine.

I need to buy a new camera.

I hate my pencil case.

I adore black markers.

I am so thirsty right now. And although it's right infront of me, i really don't quite like starfruit juice.

I suddenly feel quite bad about getting everyone to avoid papaya at all costs. I feel bad about bitching about it so much.

I've not been to the zoo for ages.

I love it when a lovely song starts playing randomly. It's the most comforting. Like now.

It's photography by the starting line

It's a kick ass song.

Too bad it's pretty sad as well.

I really wish i was taller sometimes

But i always forget that i'm short

Cj makes me shrink a cm every term

I love cutting my nails.

I absolutely adore haircuts.

I don't remember when was the last time i caught a sunset, like you know, just sitting there watching that ball of fire disappear.

The same applies to sunrises

I'm praying, hoping, kicking, screaming for taking back sunday or the spill canvas to come to singapore. That would be, glorious.

I should stop dressing so old,ly.

I owe my sister's boyfriend a punch. Because he said that i look like an auntie, then a bird, than a monkey. Honestly, i think he looks like an ahbeng lion. (Joey thinks so)

I love highlighters.

But i overhighlight all the time

That's why i use seep-through highlighters, very purposefully.

I should stop being so good at stoning.

I should change my hairstyle, i'm really quite sick of it.

I think i should never ever grow up.

Never.

The sunlight's overwhelming the scene.
That's composed of you and me
In our finest moment.
An amazing illusion was made
With trick photography.
It's seems like you're really, you're really,
It feels like you're really here.

2008-02-23T01:20:00.004+08:00

I hate myself for being so retarded sometimes, or being an object of humour.

I haven't been blogging because, i haven't been home and the need for blogging just hasn't been there. I have also been wanting to lock my blog, by changing it to LJ or something. I guess i have been basically sitting on blogging. What's the point of blogging anyway, ha, ha.

First up, i, shann long, am so very old. Like goodness, i think i'm getting past the yay i can't wait to grow up and transitioning into the no way in hell am i going to tell you how old i am stage. Okay i'm not that old. Eighteen is a good age. (Remember, to turn eighteen and stay eighteen forever.) Well thinking about it, i've only been on this earth for eighteen years. Eighteen pathetic years. Now 19 sounds old. So bloody old.

School has been a chore, and a total bore. I know common tests are coming and i sort of just found out that i have to get 4Cs to retain my 4 H2s, which is seriously and amusingly impossible. I think it's a joke. I think i'm a joke. I should really start studying. But before that, i have to get past packing my room and filing things and filling my blank notes, blah blah blah. I should also stop getting sent out of class, (which was 4 times in 4 days). Once because i was playing snakes and ladders with zhi hua and i was laughing too loudly and the rest because i owe my maths teacher like a billion tutorials. I know, i suck. (But seriously, being outside class is like x987 times more productive than being in class. I fell asleep for half an hour then i managed to do like 4 questions, which is like, wow.) I think i sound like a major bimbo now.

I have so many people to meet up with. So many things to do. So many things that i think it'd be quite funny if i died tomorrow. Haha i don't make sense, sweet. Anyway, cristal lee, i have a new found way of getting kenny to do things. I just have to go, "I'll feed you to cristal!!!!!!!!!!" And he'd be like !!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously, there is NO POINT IN BLOGGING. I hope this entry has been entertainingly boring. Oh yes, i have a new hobby. It's Graphology (handwriting analysis). It interests me like hell. It keeps me awake in class, actually.

Okay i love everyone in this world, and fyi, i had the best birthday, ever, this year.

2008-02-13T22:14:00.002+08:00

I don't love you like I did yesterday

You came and saved me tonight.
Defending all my life.
Whoa, now I’m content with my breath,
'Cause I’m alive.

2008-02-13T20:00:00.002+08:00

And when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen

Happy Chinese New Year :)

(And i'm sorry friends, for being so crazy that night)

Mel's party

Very honestly i'm still not excited about tomorrow, yes even after waiting a whole year hahaha. But, well, i wouldn't mind the driving or credit cards, oh yyyyes.

So anyway, hello once again, birthday.

2008-02-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

These pills aren't working anymore

Even my candid pictures look emo, haaaaaa

My stupid face entertains me

Hi we sho cutez worx

told eu, hehe

Happy new year, pull your ear. (Celeste's look is like a classic)

To all people in cjc, if you're feeling bored, there's a little patch of weird green growing things near the grand stand where you can pretend that you're in a jungle.
Survival of the fitttttest. Apparently the modern jungle has aircon compressors.

These pills aren't working anymore
My guts are spilling out onto the floor
of a nightmare you wouldn't believe
of a nightmare you could not conceive of
You're floating above my head
There are words carved in my chest
and they said,
"Could somebody show me the kind of affection
that you only see in the movies, you know what I mean"

Spill canvas is still, the sex, really.

2008-02-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

I NEED ANOTHER HAIR PERM

and

I'M SICK OF MY BLACK HAIR
already

and

I SHOULDN'T HAVE CUT MY HAIR IT'S SO SHORT NOW haha

2008-02-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

I'm tired
Cynical and broken, but wiser
Heavy with a sense of resentment

But i used to be so much different,
I used to have so much faith

When i started
You knew that i always meant it
I knew i could make a difference
I struggled to be heard
And then finally, one day people started listening

And i knew it
But as soon as it began it was ruined

A slow descent from unique to routine

Over and over
"Just do it again and this time with feeling"

The spotlight
The focus on the friends and the feelings
That made those stupid songs all worth singing

And don't you say a word
Unless you're pretty sure that you want it analyzed

So we drove
For what seemed like days
Over roads
And four lane highways
We said all we had to say

And i realized in time that it didn't mean anything

Never
Not ever again
Not like that
"It's only a matter of time"

Ever gorgeous lyrics. One of the most depressing songs i know. I love it so.

2008-02-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

So this is odd
The painful realization that all has gone wrong
And nobody cares at all

So you buried all your lovers clothes
And burned the letters Lover wrote
But it doesn't make it any better
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
In the hall where you had your first kiss
Reminds you that the memories will fade

And the picture frames are facing down
And the ringing from this empty sound
Is defeaning and keeping you from this sleep
And breathing is a foreign task
And thinking's just to much to ask
And you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights

I love my amazing people

This is cristal lee doing zenn's homework. (She enjoyed it, a lot)

(Kenny = arty)

This is incredible
Starving, insatiable
Yes, this is love for the first time
Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt lost for the first time?
Well, this is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time

2008-02-01T19:26:00.000+08:00

I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue

More pictures from Italy: Yeah i know what you're thinking, just what the fuck is sexy pasta.
And what the hell is mix & sex
So, do they look like anything you know, like maybe... (the male reproductive organ)?

I know, what the fuck.

Hahahaha actually, i wanted to buy a packet and give them away as random christmas door gifts but then again, i doubt anyone in the right mind would want to eat dick shaped pasta.

My sister has a strange ability to capture my weirdest moments on camera.

And you say, sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid, It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

2008-01-29T17:38:00.000+08:00

(Dirty English is a font, if you were trying to make some sense out of it.)

So i guess i've not been able to kick my addiction just yet. I'm going to die like really soon. My classmates tried to snatch my pens/markers away today because they swore i was going to get skin cancer like at any moment.

My dad has been pushing me to take up driving, but as much as i really want to drive i don't think i'll have the time. I think he can't wait for me to drive him around or something, or like giving me the car hahaha. Valentine's day is overrated. I used to like the day a lot but i guess along the way, it was just something i grew to not get superly excited over. So it sucks to be born on vday. Because people either remember or forget your birthday. I mean it guarantees at least one birthday wish but at the same time i've had people who wished me happy vday sending me a happy birthday msg like two days later (i still love them). And everyone, (really everyone) is busy on vday. Everyone has their own things to do. I just can't believe how expensive roses can get on vday. Or how you could never really find somewhere to eat. Well, besides being so commercial, i'm sixteen days away from turning eighteen. Birthdays are so much more special. But then again, it's just another birthday.

Eighteen. To hit eighteen and stay eighteen forever.

You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame.

2008-01-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

Happiness is a warm gun

Steady feet don't fail me now

I just came back from dinner, my dad's like finally in town. He should just give up his singapore citizenship, or something. Anyway, zenn brought his new pet along, (uh haha) It's a little hermit crab with a cute green shell.

Me: you bought it
Zenn: NO i found it
Me: you bought it
Zenn: i found it!!!
Me: where
Zenn: in school!!
Me: YOU STOLE IT
Zenn: i found it in the drain!!!
Me: you took it!!!!!
Zenn: it was in the drain!
Me: !!!!
Zenn: okay fine, my friend and i took it from the school garden (eco garden)
Me: what the hell!!!

Zenn: do you want to hold it?
Me: haha later not now zenn
Zenn: but he's clean!!! i washed him with soap!!
Me: oh okay

Then i walked away, and a split second later, i walked back
"YOU WASHED YOUR PET CRAB WITH SOAP?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Oh my goodness.

I've a new time table, again. It's even more stupid now :D
(Good hair day today!)

2008-01-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

If your feet hurt from walking too much,
Then I will tend to them with a velvet touch.
If your lungs just don't wanna work today,
Then I'll perform a mouth to mouth until you're OK.

Don't you just love,
The feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips.
Don't you just love,
The desire taking hold of you.
I can tell you do.

I know all your favorite spots,
And tonight we will connect the dots.

I'm quite tired of people telling me that i'm wrong, that i'll regret whatever i'm doing. I'm tired of people not supporting me when they don't even know the full story. I'm tired of people not knowing whatever that has been happening to me. There's so much on my plate now. And for once, maybe i'll just stand alone.

2008-01-27T15:03:00.000+08:00

Is there anybody going to listen to my story, all about the girl who came to stay? She's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry. Still you don't regret a single day.

Recently, i've been spending my money on albums, but it makes me really really really happy. I bought the soundtrack for Across the Universe yesterday :D

Anyway, Joey chan, if you're reading this, I miss you a lot. I know i said i wouldn't write a letter because it's not goodbye, because the distance won't separate us. But i'm so upset, my heart sinks when i think of not being able to have our random-macaroni-and-cheese-tiger beer-crime nights, or our make-up sprees, no more fish and co eating our pants off shivering our guts out sessions, or just sitting at mos, and sharing butterfly prawns and iced tea.

Why are you so far away. (I feel so lesbian now.)

But life goes on, for everyone. Just take care of yourself, idiot.

Anyanyanyanyanyway, i'm such a brilliant time waster, it's almost like a natural thing. My mum wants to go Chinatown for fun. Maybe i'll be able to take some nice pictures there

2008-01-25T15:58:00.000+08:00

The August sky will then bare witness, To a brand new chapter with torn up pages.

You lead your life one way for so long that when things change, you wonder what would have happened if you never saw the opportunity for change. But at the same time, you also wonder, whether change's good for you. School has been a total bore i swear. I have a new found addiction. I couldn't stop drawing on myself in school today (uh, i know, weird.), i didn't even know what i was writing. But i was just writing anything, and everything. Like, "Euphoria", "Cheers Darlin'", "Spill Canvas is the sex" and "TBS rocks my toes too". It got pretty bad because i had such a strong inclination to write on my legs too. When i got into the car, my mum said nothing else but, "omg" when she saw how i had vandalised myself.

I'll be meeting Veron tonight for dinner, (yay). Joey is flying off tomorrow, at a fucking unearthly hour (8am). Anyway, i cut my hair and it's bloody rabbit short. Now i have to take like a whole decade to grow it out again.

Oh i'm back to peacock green nails.

My mum and i have a new+shared swear word, horse shit. (It makes her happy, somehow)

Very obviously, this has been a pointless entry.

2008-01-22T14:55:00.000+08:00

And you won't be seeing another entry until i think that blogging makes sense, again.

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to
Let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time comin
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know it is through
Let it burn
Let it burn

Gotta let it burn

2008-01-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

Shann: haha can we buy the spill canvas album tomorrow
Druce: haha i'll buy it for you, which one?
Shann: haha no i want to get it myself, the new album
Druce: why!
Shann: because i love them so much i want to give them all my money
Druce: seriously!!!

Why am i so weird

2008-01-12T16:15:00.000+08:00

SO PRETTY! !!!!

2008-01-12T16:05:00.001+08:00

I love the fact that MY BEST FRIEND STAYS SO RETARDLY NEAR TO ME THAT IT ONLY TAKES ONLY 4 MINS TO GET HERE!!

2008-01-12T00:40:00.001+08:00

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something, somewhere, better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong but nothing's, turned out how you want it

Well bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
'Couse you won't let go, of anything you hold
"Well, all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head"

2008-01-10T19:55:00.000+08:00

Six years isn't a joke. I mean six years ago, i was still in primary school. Who knows how different how life would be when joey chan returns. For starters, we should both stop refusing to acknowledge that she's leaving.

I saw a little little boy dash across the road today when cars were going at full speed. It was so, scary. I held my breath and i couldn't breathe for awhile. Thank goodness nothing happened to him because i really don't know what i'd do. Are we always so rash and wilful?

I don't know why school is so dull and grim for me. It isn't in any way, motivating. No way do i get near to wanting to get something done in school. I try to pay attention but i always end up asking myself, why the hell am i here. I'm almost begging myself, it's the As for heavens' sake. I guess we Are wilful. And why is everything so painful and hard to swallow.

But i like the location of my class. It's quiet, breezy and out of the way. It's perfect for stoning and just stuffing headphones into your ears. I hate the canteen.

2008-01-09T19:57:00.000+08:00

She smiled in a big way;
The way a girl like that smiles,
When the world is hers.
And she held your eyes,
Out in the breezeway, down by the shore,
In the lazy summer.

And she pulled you in.
And she bit your lip.
And she made you hers.
She looked deep into you as you lay together,
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer.

But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
When you only had barely enough to hang on.

And she combed your hair.
And she kissed your teeth.
And she made you better than you’d been before.
And she told you bad things you wished you could change,
In the lazy summer.

And she told you, laughing down to her core,
So she would not cry,
As she lay in your lap.
And she said, "Nobody here can live forever;
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer."

But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
When you only had barely enough to hang on.

She said "No one is alone the way you are alone."
And you held her looser than you would’ve if you ever could've known.
Some things tie your life together,
With slender threads and things to treasure.
Days like that should last and last and last.

What a perfect song

2008-01-09T15:08:00.000+08:00

Didn't you want to hear
The sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
The expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
And I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go

There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
And I'm here to sing
About the things that mattered
About the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
About the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong

Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

2008-01-08T19:56:00.000+08:00

Why are you so afraid?

Damn, i still want a red dress. My love for red has suddenly been revived. Chanmunyee was supposed to help me get it but something went wrong. I feel sad now, i want a red dress.

I'm going to collate all the nice pictures i've taken so far, pictures which make me happy and put them into my pretty album i've been keeping aside.

They threatened me yesteday. When just the other day, i was joking with michelle that the library might put up a gigantic picture of my spastic face (which was taken by lyncoln, in class) very soon. And just yesterday, my pe teacher said THEY ARE GOING TO, like if the book isn't returned immediately. CHAN MUN YEE JOEY!!~!~!!!1FHBHJEWDSKNC!!!!

I touched jaslyn's hair extensions today. Okay more of fondled. It was fun. Scary, a little freaky, but it was fun. Talking about hair extensions, the last time i saw celeste, her hair was like rope-like. Or thread-like. Or willow tree-like. Being the funny piece of shit she is, she was telling me how she could be walking happily down the street when a whole bunch of hair could just, fall off. And because her extensions are really pretty damn long, hahahha it's practically like a little puddle of hair on the floor. And every time that happens, she runs away, like for her life. I think i'd die laughing if i ever saw something happening like that outside. I wonder who clears away the hair. I mean, you can't exactly leave a mass of hair in the middle of orchard road, right.

PE TOMORROW, BLOODY RABBIT.

2008-01-07T17:33:00.000+08:00

Don't close your eyes

Quick, ask me how school has been. My time table is inhumanly. I screamed when i saw the time table today,when i found out that we ended at 4 and we didn't have a single break (!!). Okay we sort of had a break because we don't take h1 econs, but but what if i dropped to h1, that would mean that, I'd have to stuff food into my mouth every time toh turns around to draw a molecule. And the best shit ever is that we have every single subject today and WE HAD MASS PE. Mass pe is like the big bad wolf i'd warn little kids about. Okay maybe, it's not that tough but you SEE, i don't exercise regularly. And no way in hell do i do push ups during my free time. My arms were aching from the last pe when we just ran a couple of rounds (and i don't know how on earth that happened).

I was so depressed that i bought egg prata and fish curry on my way back and gobbled everything up with an emotionless face in front of my brother's new chinese tutor who has the weirdest beard ever. It's neither long nor short. And it just goes straight down, as if it was specially straightened. (And the strands don't move okay) Well i'm just saying all these because he was commenting how zenn needed to lose weight (erm yes, on the first lesson). I mean like screw you, you might beat us all in chinese because we're such failures in the language but you don't need to remind a little boy about his weight problem because i'm sure we have mirrors at home.

I dyed my hair black. I dyed it because i was tired of hearing your hair colour is so obvious(s). But jet black makes your hair look fake. And if it looks awfully weird, i'm sorry. I used a weird brand which came in a cheap pink box with a cheena woman on it because it was the only black dye that was left at home.

In short, whoever came up with the term monday blues, definitely had my time table.

2008-01-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

Lord, I'm doing all I can

2008-01-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

My lazy butt was finally up to posting some pictures. We caught Sharapova's match last Sunday night. She's such a fierce player, I'd never ever dare to play against her. Other than that, mel and i bought dresses and lingerie at 50% off! And i bought a pair of Guess heels at half price too. Things like that make me, so, freaking happy.

The whole little gang. From left to right, tessa; my very tall cousin, zenn; my ball-like brother, shannlongkingkong, melly; the best/bust friend (also very tall) and lastly, my late night McDonald's' partner, the sister.

Sharapova totally owned Anna Chakvetadze during the first half, every obviously. And so, mel started screaming GO ANNA!!!!, while she was squealing away in her seat.

STUPID PHOTO-RUINING-BALD PATCH

Fascinating day, and it was so fun/interesting to see a live match at the indoor stadium. But posting all these pictures makes me feel rather stalkerish.

And the food in school doesn't appeal to me anymore (okay it never did but now i don't even feel like eating) :( maybe i shall pack sandwiches

2008-01-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRUCETEORENSHAN YOU'RE SO DISGUSTINGLY OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning. She can make you feel high, full of the single greatest commodity known to man: promise; promise of a better day, promise of a greater hope, promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gaze of a beautiful girl: in her smile, and in her soul, and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's gonna be okay"

And many of times, i find myself falling into such silent comfort. With music, which wraps around everything. It's so good to have something speaking for you. Music isn't slient. Or maybe, it is.

2008-01-01T14:59:00.000+08:00

Goodbyes are said and roses thrown

I cannot believe that i'm starting school tomorrow. Goodbye waking up at 5pm just in time for dinner, goodbye long sleepovers, goodbye mid-morning movies, no more deciding what to wear everyday. Then it's hello prancing around school in light blue. And because joey chan is leaving, i can no longer trace the walls because only she's the best. She's the best because she doesn't freak out when i trace the walls but just goes, erm shann. *Tracing walls=walking around school as if you're glued to the walls. So like when she's walking straight i'm going around in Zs. And yes, i have no idea why i do that.

Okay screw all that, that's just mental. But perhaps school is good. I mean the last time i exercised was probably during pe in term three. And i haven't been playing tennis so that most likely means that my ass is now a fat, highly efficient built-in-body pillow. I need to start digging my room. I have no idea where i've put everything, i don't know where my calculator is, i don't think i even know where my bag is now. And my fringe is strangely long now.

And jan! I read your blog entry and i totally agree with everything you wrote about Across The Universe. I loved it too, it was just gorgeously produced. The way the scenes changed, loved how arty the whole thing was, how everything fell into place, the lovely backdrops, and even like the angles the scenes were shot at. I adored the strawberries too, yes it was so clever. You know druce and i were contemplating on watching it because the reviews online were really bad and he read that like idontknowhowmany people walked out during the show. (Well a few Did walk out hahaha) But i guess you either love or hate it. And yes, i could totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally fall in love with Jude, (!!!!) (Love the voice, love everything) Plus, the Beatles kick ass! A hell lot of ass :)

ANYWAY

Happy new year everybody!

My favouritest person

Our favouritest man in the world

But the irony of the story is when I fell to my knees and began clawing at the dirt in front of the tombstone of my bashful childhood With you by my side, you're screaming at the top of your lungs, "let it go"

2007-12-29T20:17:00.000+08:00

I've always wondered about the purpose of crying. It does not alleviate situations, nor does it present you with answers. It leaves you feeling like crap and it forces a headache unto you. It reveals your weak human spirit and soaks you in your own defeat. We cry when we're sad, when we're angry, we even cry when we're happy. We do the exact same thing when we're both hurt and overjoyed. I don't get it. Maybe it helps you to feel a little better sometimes, to let go of some steam. But amongst all your tears and fist fights, reality is just rubbed harder and is etched into you.

The dark and gloomy

Frozen memories

The simple joys of life

A perfect glimpse of hope

Endless wonder

Or a perfect shot of your everyday life.

2007-12-27T23:03:00.001+08:00

I want a blueberry muffin now :(

2007-12-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

For the record, Joey Chan has not returned the library book so, that simply means that my fucking face is still displayed at the library counter.

2007-12-27T02:08:00.000+08:00

If you were at Mount Elizabeth Hospital this sunny morning, and if you were walking, walking, walking and;
you saw this girl getting out of her mum's car and as she walked into the lobby, boom, she slipped on a fat large, totally unnecessary patch of oil on the cold hard floor and she fell flat right in front of a damned taxi and got up almost immediately with a swollen pinky finger (red and absolutely enlarged) and a bruised knee (blue and amazingly fugly), you should have said hi. It was me alright.

2007-12-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

2007-12-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

2007-12-20T03:30:00.000+08:00

My first thought when my family and i stepped out of the airport and got into the maxi was, goodness, Singapore couldn't be any tinier. And very honestly, it looked rather artificial haha because all the buildings look the same, even the trees along the road look the same and are all rooted in one straight line. Nevertheless, it was nice walking around without a big puffy jacket because Europe, was one cold bitch. Sometimes, you just want to scream at the wind. It was so cold the wind was really cutting my ears and it was almost as if layers of my face were slowly peeling off at the wind's command.

But it is good for it to be a little chilly. The plane touched down at 6plus in the morning and i was so tired i fell unconscious on the bed until about 5pm. When i woke up, and when i checked, it was 17 degrees and i said, you gotttttta be kidding me. I was feeling hot. (Before, i'd be shivering under my blanket at 20degrees)

So, it was hello Singapore then oh, bye bye daddy. He's already in Thailand now. I wonder if it'd make someone happier to stop work, retire early, make do with whatever you have and just pretty much enjoy the rest of your life. Yes it depends, sometimes you have to work your whole life just to keep food on the table. But i don't want to work my ass off my whole life, only to go suddenly. It's just like how the only time i looked rightleftright before crossing the road was the day i finished my Os. No way am i going to die under some speeding metal thing after eating books, wearing specs for months and missing all the good movies.

A nice change. As i've said, there's no place like home. I'm happy to be back. It's funny to say it but being back calms me down in a strange way.

Speaking of calm, i hate how i always spell calm as clam and mussels and muscles when i don't pay the most attention to what i'm writing/typing/msging.
It has happened before okay. And druce was like "How were the MUSCLES, HAHAHAHAHAHA"

Asshole.

I don't use my brain. No really, i don't. When my highly super efficient tutor (who wants me to start a new life) called me today (after msging me like crazy as if there was a tsunami or sth) and asked for tuition tomorrow, i said yes. Yes. Slap me. Now it's 4am and well done, i have to stare at foreign words tomorrow. WHY DO I EVEN NEED TUITION DURING THIS PERIOD

I have more pictures, might upload them if my lazy bum is up to it. I love blogging. Because, i love talking to myself. It's almost one of the most joyous things ever.

Oh yes, on a super heavy note, I ******* PUT ON ( )KG. DAMN. IT. I guess i really meant what i said in one of the entries that you get too darn lazy to fuss about all the extra calories when you're holiday. Duh. BUT GREAT, NOW I'LL JUST SLOWLY DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH OF A GLORIOUS EAT ALL YOU CAN HOLIDAY NICELY PACKAGED TOGETHER WITH AN EVER WEIRD SLEEPING PATTERN.

And now on an even heavier note,

Jane says:
hee. I got bad news to tell u.
Jane says:
sorry
Turpentine Chaser says:
uh oh
Jane says:
eh. remember the time when we panicked so much for the banner?
Turpentine Chaser says:
uh oh
Turpentine Chaser says:
uh oh
Jane says:
and called each other like dunno wad?
Turpentine Chaser says:
haha yes whyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
Turpentine Chaser says:
theyre not using it?
Jane says:
yea. the RC ppl got so smart that they decided to go ahead and design their freaking banner and hence none of yours were used.
Jane says:
:(:(:(:(:(
Turpentine Chaser says:
im going to kick lyncolns cock (my home tutor, haha)
Turpentine Chaser says:
hahahahhaa
Turpentine Chaser says:
is their banner nice
Jane says:
relax. u got 2 more hours of cip cos I said so. LOL. BUT STILL IT'S DAMN FREAKING WASTED LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eh, actually it's not lyncoln's fault la.. hee. cos they gave us the deadline and WE FREAKING DID IT WITHIN THEIR DEADLINE LA!!!
Turpentine Chaser says:
hahahahah
Turpentine Chaser says:
haha nvm its okay hahaha
Jane says:
really? you won't cry would you. LOL jk jk
Turpentine Chaser says:
Idddddddddddddiiiotttttts.

The banners are for some event. So, if the dumb colours of their banner don't match or if i just plainly think they're fugly (and i'm allowed to be absolutely biased), i shall pull that cowshitlongpieceofcloth down. Because, i spent my last few hours breathing Singapore air while rushing the banners out.

Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. Scary.

2007-12-16T04:20:00.000+08:00

Adventures of the Leaning Tower of Pisa

Kick it like there's no tomorrow

Run like a fat bitch

Catch it & look happy about it

You know, i think the only way to stop me from wearing black is to set all my black jeans, black sweaters, and basically everything, on fire.

2007-12-15T04:53:00.000+08:00

Current number of pictures in camera: 2041
My, my.

The pictures are kind of in a mess

Milan- City of Fashion
Venice- City of Love

Stop. Look at this flock of shitlings.

The highlight of the trip: I got chased by freaking pigeons. The story behind it?

The shitlings are having so much fun in some square in Venice. Brother buys a bag of corn to feed the shitlings. Brother hands the bag over to his innocent sister. Sister stares at corn when THE TROOP OF SHITLINGS START WALKING TOWARDS HER AND BOOM THEY STARTING FREAKING FLYING AT FREAKING FULL SPEED AND THE POOR GIRL RUNS FOR HER DEAR LIFE WHILE THE OTHER SISTER HAD SO MUCH FUN TAKING A VIDEO OF SOME MAD ASS GETTING CHASED BY PIGEONS AROUND THE SQUARE.

They like em yellow chairs

Gondola, the beautiful but dying trade.

It was a good three degrees

It's really a skill to control a little boat like that. The corners are so sharp and some parts of the passage way are so tiny but we did not hit anything, not once.

More shitlings

I love the maskssss, i got two :D I love pretty things like that

Starry starry night

The legendary arena! (Really old too)

Day

I was jumping about.

Inside the church. I just stood there, rooted in awe. It's so amazing and the ceiling, it looks like it has carvings but it's just one big painting.

Zenn loves nothing more than chasing pigeons

I need to see that doctor soon. I spent 1 Euro ($2.20) on going to the toilet. Yes, of course i used more water. And i took more tissue paper. Bloody, hell

2007-12-13T05:05:00.000+08:00

I.O.U

(whatever that means) (it was from a random stone bench)
W is for white. White, is for shann.

WE'RE IN ITALY BABY!

Swenn and i were, that bored.

This one is for you squishy! They gave me all their love. Lovely.
When i say that dinner was mind blowing, i really mean that dinner was fucking, good. It was SO DAMN GOOD I STILL CANNOT GET OVER IT. I couldn't walk after dinner. My whole nice little family had the pleasure of standing in the chilly wind next to the traffic light, waiting for my food to settle because i was like a walking snow man. The parma ham was just heavenly, as usual. The white wine was exceptionally good and so perfectly chilled. I'm not a huge fan of oysters but the ones i had tonight were the best i've ever taken in my whole entire life, i swear. I had like what, five six, when i usually take just one. I love Italian food, period. And the ice cream!! It was like a billion times better than ben&jerrys! It wasn't super sweet but it was so creamy, smooth, i just couldn't believe how good it was. It was also one of the best i've ever had. AND JUST LOOK AT THE RASPBERRIES AND BLUEBERRIES. (For those who know how a sucker i am for them, YES I JUST TOTALLY GORGED MYSELF WITH FOOD LIKE THE HAPPIEST PIG ALIVE.)

2007-12-12T05:55:00.000+08:00

EUROPE IS SEVEN HOURS BEHIND SINGAPORE

Zenn, the man

Aww my favourite, although druce still can't understand why i devote my life to vongole
Haha my dad was so cute, he bought us swiss knives

Cheese fondue
Meat fondue

Chocolate fondue
Instant noodles in the vending machine

HAHAHAHA THIS PICTURE IS SO FUNNY. We borrowed the hat from the guy at the restaurant. The restaurant has this weird thing with cows.
We went up up up the mountain, the top of Europe.

My dad took a picture of me and i was smiling really widely and he was like, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE SHIVERING OKAY. And so, i gave him another shot just to amuse him.

Temperature: minus 17

Hahahahahaha i keep laughing every time i see this shot. Swenn and zenn look like freaking retards.We were at the ice palace. It was total coolness, if i must say.

It was. A BLIZZARD. Okay no it wasn't.But it certainly felt like one.

Yoga on ice

Tiny erm tunnels. I felt like a little ice ant, crawling through a freezing caving in thing.

I'm sorry mr little old man, but i thought you made a really really great picture.
Cold and frosty morning

Breath, taking

It started to snow during dinner. A warm, candle lit dinner with a huge window by your side, for you to glaze at the soft falling snow. Holidays are great. You get too darn lazy to fuss overputting on those extra pounds while you get to have breakfastlunchdinnersupper with your whole family. I think this is the most time i've spent with my dad this whole year. And although i'm loving the 29 dollar jeans thing here, it's true that there's no place like home.

Because,
If only I had more time
I'd take you where you wanted to go
Italy isn’t the same without you here
If only I had one wish
I’d want a million trillion life times that I could spend with you
I'd Fall in love with you again and again

2007-12-10T05:17:00.000+08:00

Beautiful. Period.
Switzerland is so captivating and so relaxing it's like the perfect getaway. However, being in such a country-like area makes me wonder how it'd be like to wake up every morning to milk your cow. I wonder how it'd feel like to keep a cow. I'm getting old. The thirteen hour plane ride almost killed me. We did quite a lot for a first day and because i'm so darn lazy now, i'll stick to the principle of pictures say more than words.

1. I look like a cat
2. My dad looks like the cutest garden gnome ever

The black forest cake was so freaking gorgeously delicious i don't think i'll ever want to eat another piece in Sngapore without any rum in it.

Pretty candles which were carved out by the most brilliant and talanted people ever.
I'd like to live in a house like that. It'll make me rather happy.

The crystals were so damn pretty.

Some funny bar.

We'll be going to Italy in a few days time, can't wait for Venice!! Yes i know, most of the pictures i take/post are humanless. 1. I'm not a cam whore 2. I like it that way

I'll be home soon, dearest love.

2007-12-08T01:20:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAN

I AM NO LONGER ABLE TO DISS YOU ABOUT BEING ONLY SWEETSIXTEEN.

The cake looks nicer than it tasted, okay. And Jan looks happy here. Birthdays make people happy. Let's have more of them.Awwww what a nice group photograph. Oh wait, something's wrong, someone is missing, WHERE IS SHANN? (I see her oh yes, over the hills and far away, far away in the meadows behind Michelle's head.)
There you go, that's better (although i look constipated)

Look at what i got jan :D It's a computer mouse. Yes, you have to click the boobies. (They're really nice to click okay, it's not just about the boobs haha)

This is a f______ retarded shot.

I went out with three different groups of people today, to have three different meals. I am so bloated now i think i can finally empathize with pregnant women. First up, i met joey chan mun yee and we totally stuffed ourselves with food and almost froze to death at fish and co, (we almost wore the same thing out too) Fish and chips, buttered mussels, shrimp pasta, jungle freeze = omg-i-could-just-go-on-eating-forever. Later, got the cake and met the clique for dinner. I can't wait for cris and qin to come back, full clique full clique yes. After dinner, i had supper with Mr druce teo at holland village (we wore the same colours). The mud pie was a killer.

I need to get my yay-i'm-flying-off-tomorrow-feeling.

2007-12-05T03:04:00.000+08:00

Where's the day that never ended?

If life was easy, my limitations would be so crystal clear to me. I'd know exactly how smart i was, how much pain i could take, how much love i could give, how much anger i could contain and really, how hard i should ever try. Now I'm caught in between two fading ends; some fervently argue that it's possible for anyone to excel if you try your hardest, well in terms of studying, while others throw academic capabilities into different categories. I want to know if i have potential or that i should just give up because i would not be able to push myself any more forward. I'm tired of guessing. I'm tired of believing that i could do anything then putting myself down soon after. I want to know if my dream is one that is too far to reach, and that i would just be grabbing thin air; One that i should not waste time on, or rather, one that i should have known it'd be a waste of time. Time, sweat, blood, hope, pain. I want to know my strengths, and clear my head of my weaknesses. Nobody can be the best at everything, but everybody can be good at something, right?

I'm not even depressed now, so i should stop sounding like i am. It's just one of those nights. It's one of those nights where you pick a warm drink over your usual iced teas and feel so restless although spongebob is showing on TV. One of those days, where every one's home, but you still feel so all alone.

So tell me when it's time to open up my eyes

2007-12-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

ITHINKI'MGOINGTOBAKEBANANAWALNUTMUFFINSNOW

ANDHOPETHATMYMUMDOESN'TCOMEOUTOFHERROOMTOSCREAMATME

I can't believe i stayed home the whole day. I can't believe i enclosed myself within such tiny space for so long and deprived myself of sunlight. And the best thing is that the oh so smart shann long got up at 4pm (i got up at 12 but i didn't see the need to get up/do anything so i just went back to bed) and now she's not going to be able to sleep again. I'm so idiotically smart sometimes. So welcome back to the vicious i-can't-sleep-till-dawn cycle.

The boredom got to me. I was searching the web for some waxing thing and i got to this site. I was clicking around for fun and i came across, this; "Bras that are too small in the cup will compress a girl's boobs and force them to bulge out the sides (think armpit boobs). "

No Way in hell am i going to let that happen to me.

And yet 8 out of 10 women wear bras that don't fit.

Any, anyway, not all was lost today, i was nicely entertained, well indirectly actually. I got so amused seeing my sister lock her boyfriend outside her room and he knocking the door like a little woodpecker. All i did was to increase the volume of the tv, only to drown him out, (which very obviously didn't help, tee, hee). Any bastard who's being a bitch to my sister can go die. Preferably an entertaining death too.

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

2007-12-03T03:25:00.000+08:00

My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
tell me would you die for me too?

I'm a freaking night bird. But i guess it would ease the time difference when i'm in Europe next week. I've decided to start packing. I'm a really slow packer, i start early but i usually end up rushing the night before. I always bring lots of clothes (and lots of junk), because i'm awfully indecisive and i dress according to my moods, which fly left right up down. I guess winter makes things a lot easier; just pick out your favourite tee and wrap yourself in that only jacket of yours.

I've spent the last few days watching ANTM (America's next top model, cycle 9) on youtube. I love the pictures they take, they always always scream picture perfect. I've always asked myself if i would join something like that and now i'm like nah, awesome experience but being in an industry like that really stinks.

I feel like running around in a funny dress and flats tomorrow to get all the things i need for my trip, maybe, i'll pull my sister along. AND i should really stop hitting myself and bumping into everything/falling over anything because i'm getting bruises everywhere. I guess if there wasn't such a thing as pain, i'd have lost all my limbs by now.

I have to control my bladder. Correction, it's, overactive bladder. One thing i know is that it makes jan want to drag me to the doctor by my hair (ever since she saw the ad for overactive bladders like in sec3 or sth). I fear that my poor bladder control would land me in super sized diapers when i become a little old lady.

Anyway...
It's like a proper closure for me when i go overseas every year. Be it a smooth year, or one of complete madness, it pulls me away and presents the bigger picture of everything to me; when i can see my life from a distance. I'm going to turn eighteen in a couple of months and the fact that i'll be seventeen only once is suddenly getting to me now. It's like you look forward so much that you forget where you are currently at. We try so hard not to die, that sometimes we forget to appreciate life. When i'm 51, all wrinkled by years and tired by work and if someone were to ask me if i remember how it was like to be young and seventeen; i wonder if i'll answer yes, with a smile. Maybe i would. Because i kinda miss those days all the way back in primary one where random people in the canteen would go up to you and say, can i be your friend?

And, you always said yes.

A real character in the story of your now distant life

2007-12-01T04:07:00.000+08:00

Please come love
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I've found the road to no where
And i'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say:
Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down

Zenn and i had our very own slumber party in.... in our living room. Swenn refused to join us though, haha. Spent the day at druce's/squishy's place, and look at the rice, it's so much cheaper to raise/feed me.
Haha guys just can't tie hair, period.

2007-11-30T02:13:00.000+08:00

Congratulations!!!
You have won 250 Neopoints!
You also win a Ptolymelon!

Y-a-y.

2007-11-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

Meet, my rabbit.

Okay i was kidding. It belongs to my uncle and his four kids, they're in Malaysia now and their rabbit is having its own holiday at my place for a week. It's called Yavin, according to my ten year old cousin. I was like.... why Yavin? She replied, i don't know my dad likes that name. And so, i was like... so, why didn't he name you Yavin? (And the poor girl just blinked at me)
When i first heard of the rabbit i was like aww so cuttte!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, when i saw it,
I WAS LIKE OMG IT'S SO HUGE IT'S LIKE A FREAKING CAT!!!
But it's still so adorable anyway :)

I'm going to get a DWARF rabbit!

2007-11-28T14:40:00.000+08:00

Gentle waves, fresh breeze, sun kissed.

There was a thunder storm in the morning, and i was lying in bed, too damn lazy to get up. It's just so awesome to sleep in on a nice chilly rainy day. Then rain stopped, so we went on with our plans, fishing. I took like a billion coins from the piggy bank i bought for my dad (haha) and practically bought everything in the vending machine. The weather was just splendid, after the rain and the sun fell just right. However, we got there a little late and the current was really really strong. The fishes were sleeeepppping. We caught snappers and we let go a few smaller fishes, which, i totally conveniently forgot to take pictures of, (slap me). They're in the freezer now actually, if i'm desperate enough. I landed a really huge one actually, a sea bass apparently, damn good dinner fish. I was reading my book when my whole rod bent so much i started screaming. I stood up and collected line but shit, the bloody fish snapped my line straight away. Lost it. Bloody, big fish.

Well, the current was so strong that all the little crabs from the seabed got swept away. The little ones aren't strong enough and so when the strong current comes they get pulled along with it. Therefore, they were like swimming on the surface of the water and there were so many of them it was crazy.

SO, swenn zenn and i grabbed a net and we started catching them hahaha, my goodness, it was So Fun. Swenn was the one who spotted them while i frantically used the net to catch them and then zenn would use a pair of chopsticks to catch them and put them with the rest. It was so highly entertaining.

We let them go in the end, at the jetty. Poor little things haha, they were too small to be eaten anyway

I just love the sound of splashing waterMy dad just came back from Thailand and he brought back a couple of passion fruits. Sour, but i likkkkke sour.

Random, big aeroplane

The following are the new additions to my personal album:

I love this shot, it's getting all my hugs and kisses.

(Spot Zenn, the little ball)

We ended the day with dinner. The crab claw was gigantic hahaha, i placed my finger there to compare their sizes, it was, so, huge.

I'm so hungry now.

2007-11-27T02:52:00.000+08:00

From autumn to ashes

"What's with teenagers and black eyeliner?" I don't know, or maybe it's because i'm such a black person. I suddenly can't wait to get out of school. Can't wait can't wait. I want to be 19 and stay 19 forever.

I remember how Manpin (who was always so self-entertaining) actually logged onto friendster and followed the conversations of random people through their testimonials and she'd try figuring out who were flirting with each other and who was happening with who, (just for the hell of it).

I'm upset. Well, for a really dumb reason; I don't have a favourite movie. It bothers me actually, why can't i have a favourite movie. Everyone has a favourite movie. Even Zenn decided that his favourite movie would be The Wedding Crashers a few days ago. On a lighter note, i can't wait to go to Italy. I mean yeah baby, Italian food. (Well at least i know my favourite food)

I like to do grocery shopping. If only it wasn't so freaking cold in the supermarket all the time. Someone remind me to get my salsa and chips please, it has been too many nights without them.

My insomnia is seriously getting to me, just, WHY CAN'T I SLEEP. I LOVE SLEEPING,

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP. PERIOD.

I'm completely nocturnal, like an owl. Just that i don't make weird noises and scare the shit out of people with those huge stoned eyes because my eyes are shrinking daily with the lack of sleep. I mean this is crazy, i don't sleep until what, 6, 7, 8am? It's not like i don't try, and it's too late to like, go onto the treadmill, run like a freaking hamster and tire myself out or something. Okay, sleeping at 6 isn't That bad. The part which sucks is that i get up by 1pm, by hook or crook. I cannot emphasize how damned annoying that is. I'm really going for sleeping pills. But i just have this strange worry that i'll take them, sleep and never get up, teehee.

I've to get up early tomorrow because we're going fishing. Perhaps i'll just fall off the boat or slap a fish due to this sheer exhaustion.

Jan, if you're reading this, live journal is being a bitch, it doesn't allow me to leave a comment.

Hi drucey lucy, your friend still has my tbs album :(

Okay so what if i can't sleep. Why does everyone sleep so damn early then :(

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that we never feel the heat until we get burned.

2007-11-25T22:10:00.000+08:00

"Settle precious, I know what you're going through.
Because ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too."

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough,
And all this cliché motivation it could never be enough.
I could stand here all night trying to convince you,
But what good would that do?
My offer stands and you must choose."

Alright you win but I only give you one night,
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight.
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap.
I will toss myself from these very cliffs,
And you'll never see it coming.

See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it. No matter how unbearable this misery gets.

2007-11-24T15:40:00.000+08:00

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
Im holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I guess some people don't bother thinking of names for their shops

I was clearing my room and i found lots of nonsense. This was something i did in sec one. And after i finished the crab, i was like shit, a crab has six legs. I miss drawing.

Haha, this is a joke. Ignore the funny writing, i write like that to amuse myself sometimes, squishy curly wirly writing. I wrote this in sec 1/2. (My chinese was that bad) (And class was that boring i guess)

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

I miss my best friend.

2007-11-24T03:20:00.000+08:00

I slept at 7 this morning so that's the last straw, i'm going straight for sleeping pills.

2007-11-20T14:08:00.000+08:00

Girls don't like boys girls like cars and money

My mum ate my heart shaped cookie. I am semi pissed off. Well at least druce is still going to get an elephant and part of a bear's head.
Just look at me, i'm the epitome of, retarded.

On a rather irrelevant note, jan loves leaving things behind at my place. Since the early days of sec 1&2. It was socks most of the time and now, i'm safe keeping her beaded bracelet. Cris is back, three cheers.

Welllllcome to the holidays, ;)

2007-11-19T05:59:00.000+08:00

To the part where I begin to sense her distance,
I panic and hold on tighter

I've a dreadful habit of talking to myself, very excessively. And sometimes i ask myself, just what the hell are you doing? Like right now, it's six in the morning and i'm still trying to come up with something to soothe my restlessness and my mounting boredom. The lack of sleep knocked me out early this afternoon and i fell helpless to the bed, serving five hours of sleeping time.

I bought an organiser. Thinking of how i mindlessly got through 07 without one irks me and makes me want to crumble in my stupidity. The need to make up for lost time is compelling. Just like my tutor said, i have a new life now (haha). I will religiously follow lectures and shower homework with attention.

There will always be some things about myself that i would never ever comprehend. And for this matter, i wonder how people should understand me when i don't even know my core. I hate messy rooms, i could spend hours packing until i'm finally satisfied but then again, i'm always amazed at how my room reverts to its unforgivable disorganised state.

Jan, mich and cris will be coming over in a few hours time. I wonder if i should jump into bed and force my eyes shut or just stay up and greet them with lovely dark circles. I'm seriously contemplating if i should try sleeping pills too, partly just for the kicks.

I've a terrible craving for tea and toast now.

First of November 1998
I was thinking of what to say when I would call
Denise come over to my house cause you’re the one for me
We’ll drink cheap wine and watch for shooting stars

If only I had one wish
I’d want a million trillion life times that I could spend with you
I'd Fall in love with you again and again

2007-11-18T00:55:00.000+08:00

Birthdays are special days, we must never forget that.

Happy happy birthday Gwen, you're loved.

Timbre, my pretty ladies
We were trying not to think of how those on the road would think of us.
Ru was stressing me out,very much, very obviously
The must, the birthday wish

Ru was like EEEEE WHY IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR LIKE THAT?!! and i was like, no darling, it's just burgandy.

Michelle was fascinated with my fairness. Darn i'm so darn white
Ru's choreography
Happy people
Bel was giving me a really weird stare, so i returned it

That's all folks.

2007-11-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

Better spend more time with your kids

2007-11-16T01:01:00.000+08:00

I was at Jan's blog and she posted this picture and said "would you actually pay $5 for a porcelain peanut?!?!"

and i was thinking to myself, saying like "hmmm well i wouldddddd"

then, i saw what she wrote after that "(the only person i could think of who actually would will be shann long) hahaha"

Learning points:
1. Jan knows me oh so freaking well
2. I'm bloody weird

2007-11-14T01:43:00.000+08:00

Went for the Linkin Park concert, tee hee. And although i couldn't sing along to the songs (not an entirely big fan you see) i did enjoy myself, so yay. Haha, i even wanted to get a Linkin Park tee. I should have. I really should have. I love doing pointless things.

Well firstly, i didn't bring my camera. Maybe that explains why the pictures above are so bloody small. Actually, i didn't forget to bring my camera. It just didn't occur to me that i had to, haha how stupid. Going for the concert made me cry out for taking back sunday. I'm so so dying for them to come.

I was at Mount Elizabeth this morning for my follow up and i met melly for breakfast after that. You know, i wear black so much that mel told me that her friend was like "i saw your friend at kap the other day" and mel was like, which friend? and her friend replied "oh you know your friend who always wears black"

I was like, crrrrrrrrrrrrap. I wear black so much that, firstly, her friend identified me as the i-think-black-is-the-only-colour-in-the-world friend and secondly, mel managed to link everything to me. So yes, i'm a black freak. (Red's my new obssession though)

CSI, CSI!

2007-11-10T01:15:00.000+08:00

Big black boots, long brown hair, she's so sweet with her, get back stare

I've a new found obsession with the colour, red. It's so crazy that i almost tried anything red at f21 and got joey to hunt for red dresses online for me. I've officially turned joey chan aka chan mun yee (haha she hates that name) into a dress whore. The girl who never touched eyeliner, who sincerely thought that shorts&tees were the perfect outfit for any outing at all and who screamed that she'll only poke her eye while putting mascara on. But i'm still a million times more gay than she is, or so she claims.

"Remind me why i'm stuffing myself with food again?" "Oh, yes, it's because we have nothing to do now, right, right." I freaking ate so much today i think i can do without food for the next three days. But druce is like an eating machine. It's like the food he places in his mouth magically shrinks into microscopic thingys or disappears completely in his stomach. Then, i walk, bent, almost rolling over from dinner and he's like, i'm so hungry!

Anyway, for those who know me better, JUST LOOK AT THAT, OMG PAPAYA SOUP! HAS THE WORLD BECOME INSANE? Or maybe it's me, the anti-papaya-er. I've never touched it since i was five. Don't ask me why, i just think it stinks. Just like how druce insists that the watermelon is not an actual fruit (he hates it). I also, do not get papaya body washes, i mean, it doesn't hurt to stick to strawberry bubble baths, right.